on the way to being something else

This morning I woke up early and I thought maybe  I was finally ready to keep writing a story I'd started in the middle of August. I apparently am not. To be specifically unspecific about the whole thing: I'm at a point in the story where I have to be absolutely sure of the character to go forward. If not, it'll just be a bunch of blah.

So that lead to some online puttering. I ended up reading an article by Nicholson Baker in The New York Times about being a substitute teacher. There's a paragraph in it that if I was the kind of person to do vision boards or had an organized office space, I would print it out and put it on my wall. It sums up some of my favorite things about life (and about great writing and about interesting marriages):

Beyond admiring the writing in that (I am a little annoyed that Nicholson Baker got around to using fireflying as a verb before I did. Now whenever I try something similar, I'm going to have to ask myself if what I'm writing is better than fireflying because the only way I can do this now is to feel like I wrote one that's better than his), God, I admire the sentiment so much.

I don't want to be one of those people who subscribe to the notion that everything can be wonderful. (I don't want to emulate a famous, thirsty author and try to find the joy in something like ISIS) But I do think now that I'm getting older that one of life's joys is changing and being able to be interested in things that you would never have expected to be interested in just five years ago.

When I started with plants, it was on one level a health thing. I have annoying problems with bronchitis and allergies. I read that buying an air cleansing plant is actually helpful. And eventually that's become several plants around the house. They range from the original plant who I've forgotten what kind it is to a plant that grew from clippings Jon's grandma gave us that is called Barbara the 3rd (again not an official type. The story is Jon's grandma calls her plant Barbara after the woman who gave it to her as a gift. She gave some clippings to Jon's mom. And then gave clippings to me over a year ago. Barbara the 3rd is now pretty big and hanging in our living room window).

There are times where I am very unhappy about changing and one of the things I remind myself that actually helps calm me down is, you're going to learn so much.